I am a fraud.
Okay, maybe that’s stretching the truth a bit, but I sure feel like one sometimes. Lately I’ve felt as if I’m on an old stagecoach, hastily retrofitted with catchy slogans and filled with various concoctions and trinkets as I claim their miraculous curing powers for all that ails you. A bonafide snake oil salesman, I ride from town to town, offloading these cure-alls onto good people that truly seek answers and, in an instant, I’m off to the next town to “save” the next crowd.
This isn’t a pity party, I promise, and I am not here to sell you snake oils from week to week as the things that I talk about here each week are tried and true methods and examples that can benefit us all as we strive to find the best within us. I’ll also say that the words I write may seem like regurgitated, run of the mill inspirational content, but I truly sit down each and every Sunday, with no pre-meditated plan, and just let the words come out of my heart and soul. I don’t claim to be changing the game or providing one-of-a-kind content, but I bare it all for you with the hope that my experiences will help guide you down your own path of self-improvement. And let’s be honest, it’s quite possible that some may tune in to these from week to week just to feel better about themselves as they get glimpses into the mind of a madman! “Whew, this guy’s got issues!”, they say (Yes, I’m laughing at myself right now). Well, as long as I can provide perspective into one’s own life, then I’ll consider even that a success.
All of this being said, I really do feel like a fraud sometimes. In fact, the more that I reflect on the last couple of decades, I can clearly see a man that has gone out of his way to provide comfort and support to others while offering no such thing to himself. It’s like the town mechanic that keeps everyone’s vehicles running and in tip-top shape, yet he drives the same clunker around town, year after year. He’s too busy working on everyone else’s vehicles to spend any time on his own. Professional comedians walk a similar path as they spend their days and nights making people laugh so much it hurts, yet many of them live very dark lives outside of their professional career.
My days start out on the “right” foot, as they say. I wake up at the same time, I work out, pray, and then meditate. I do this each morning as it is time that I can truly spend on me. These mornings are filled with positivity as I enjoy the rewards that a disciplined workout regimen provides. I am at absolute peace when I pray, as I consider it my time to ‘have the floor’ as I talk to God. That same peace stays with me as I then meditate, as this is my time to listen to God. I walk out of that room, every single morning, feeling ten feet tall and as if I can conquer anything. Next comes my morning coffee, another part of my routine that I truly enjoy. It’s somewhere right after my coffee where things tend to go south, and this is where I struggle as of lately.
Slowly, the stressors of life start making their way back into the forefront of my mind. These stressors are familiar to us all. Finances, relationships, health issues, and the list can go on for what seems like forever. Next, here comes work. Our jobs, whether we love them or hate them, take their toll on us. Unless your occupation is to spend eight hours a day in a peaceful, dream-filled sleep, you’re going to arrive home at the end of each shift a bit battered and worn from the day’s events. Finally, there’s your time at home each evening with the people you love most. A time to forget all of your worries, completely relax, and spend these hours laughing jollily and feeling great.
[The needle scratches off of the record]
Wait, you mean to tell me that you don’t spend each evening after a long, hard day at work in complete bliss? Ah, I see. Nothing could be further from the truth, you say? Yeah, I know. I know all too well.
Let’s take a minute and look at the timeline of a given day. For ease, we’ll use my example above.
First, we have the morning. “Me time”, as I call it. Very rewarding, and I’m in a positive mood.
Next, there’s the commute. It starts out good, but darkness, usually in the form of many different stressors, starts to creep in. I shove it all down deep as I need to focus on the day ahead.
Next comes the workday. It usually moves pretty fast, and as I take great pride in the team that I help lead, I put on my best face and make sure I give it all that I’ve got so that the machine runs as smoothly as possible and all of the key components stay greased and in top order.
After work, it’s the commute home. The adrenaline of the workday fades away, and those stressors that I shoved down deep on the way in start to fight for my attention.
Finally, at home for the evening, I greet the family as best as I can, take care of some things around the farm, and usually spend the rest of the evening in silence as even the slightest mention of the typical stressor that warrants discussion is met with my absolute resistance. My tank is on empty and I don’t want to talk about anything, especially something that is accompanied by stress. I try to be as peaceful as can be, and eventually lay down and drift off to sleep.
I know, what a glamorous life, huh?
In all seriousness, who here sees what’s wrong with this picture? Even further, who here sees some familiarity in this picture?
I’ve talked about this before… We often put on our best performances for the world outside yet the ones we hold dearest in our hearts get the leftovers. It’s not fair to them, that’s obvious. However, and so often disregarded, it’s not fair to ourselves. We’re not giving ourselves the care and attention that we deserve, and our loved ones are left to carry that burden. It makes me mad to even type these words. I mean, it’s an incredibly simple concept… Be kind and loving to those who love us most. As complicated as things can get at work each day, you’ll constantly find me telling my team, “None of this is hard!”, because it’s true. At the end of the day, no matter how complicated something can seem, it all boils down to three simple things…
1) Show up.
2) Communicate.
3) Do what’s right.
Simple, right? It’s not hard, at least on paper, but when it comes to my time with my family, I struggle to even accomplish step one. Sure, I’m physically there, but I’m not participating. I’m not showing up for my family. Just like at work and in a team environment, it takes everyone showing up and performing in order for the mission to succeed. This metaphor can be applied to anything and everything… Sports, Government, Construction, and the list goes on infinitely.
My family, just as so many others do, looks forward to me coming home. They love me. They miss me when I’m gone and they light up when I arrive home each day. I feel like the king of the world when I think about how blessed I am to be loved so deeply. They deserve the same in return. They deserve a man who can show up, no matter what he’s going through, and be present with them. They deserve to know that the same loving man is going to walk through the door each day. They should never have to walk on eggshells around that man and wonder why he’s so quiet or seems to be in complete misery.
Why is this so hard?
Haha, as I was typing that sentence I instantly told myself “It’s not!!”, just as I tell my team at work most days. Wow. I’m not even following my own advice. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where I feel like a fraud. I hold so many to such high standards yet I just get to toss the rule book aside?? What in the heck am I dong? As much as I enjoy telling a good story, I assure you that I am having this realization as I type this. Holy crap on a cracker… I can’t believe I just asked why this is so hard. It’s almost laughable.
Well, I’m glad I answered my own question, but I’m not done.
I’ve got to figure this out. There is no way that I am going to be able to accomplish my personal goals by being a part-time participant. I’ll never achieve greatness by simply going through the motions and I’ll never be the man my family so deeply deserves until I get this right and it is up… to… me.
This is my fault and my fault alone. No matter where the stressors of life are coming from, how I choose to deal with them is completely up to me. My problems aren’t to blame. My job is not to blame. My past is not to blame. I am the one to blame. I know all too well that we all have a choice to make when something happens to us. No matter how good, bad, or indifferent it may be, we are the ones who choose how we let it affect us and to what magnitude.
I have never been able to sell something that I can’t get behind, and I’m not about to start. Not now; net ever. I’ll leave that to the politicians. One thing that must change right here, right now is that I have to become a customer of my own product. No longer will I say one thing and do another. That has never been the intention and I am beside myself in the realization that I have fallen down on my quest to elevate myself and others as I navigate this path that was so graciously set before me earlier this year.
We’ve all seen the videos of marathon runners that are so close to the finish line but they fall down as their legs give out after taking mile after mile of abuse. They’ve given it all they’ve got but their body seemingly can’t take anymore. Still, they dig deep and find that strength and courage to stand back up. Well, just like those runners do, I’m going to stand back up, whether it be on my own or with the help from others, and I’m going to finish this marathon. No matter how far away the finish line may seem and no matter how many times I fall down again, I will keep getting up and keep going.
I have experienced first hand what it’s like to fall down and sit there, wallowing in self pity and waiting for someone to come save me. That is nothing more than accepting failure and let me tell you, it is the darkest place you will ever find yourself. Don’t ever stay down. Get back up. If you can’t do it alone, that’s okay. You have people that want to see you get back up and will make absolutely certain that you do. If you feel that you are truly alone, reach out to me. I’ll help you back up, and we’ll finish this race together. If you don’t believe me, try me. Failure can move along and search for its next victim elsewhere. For we are rising and pushing forward, relentless in our determination, resilient in our spirit, and present for all who beckon but especially those who deserve it unconditionally… our families. Our wives, husbands, sons and daughters. Our mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. Don’t just be there for them, be there with them. Save them but don’t forget to save yourself too. Life is a long and winding road filled with steep climbs through rough terrain, dark stretches of lonely highway, and beautiful seaside drives with the wind in your hair and the sun shining bright before you. None of us are exempt from the roadblocks, but there’s always a detour that will lead you back to open roads. As long as we maintain ourselves and keep fuel in the tank, we’ll get there.