This fire pit in our main yard is where I throw all of the small brush and tree limbs throughout the summer as it is big enough to hold quite a bit of debris and affords us the opportunity to build up quite the bonfire for when the fall season arrives. Well, being that it was the perfect night for a bonfire last night, up in flames it went. I don’t know about you, but to me, there’s nothing quite like a bonfire on a cool night. Just as I say the same about a good cigar, there’s therapy in a bonfire. The flames dance throughout the fuel as they put you into a trance-like state while the heat trumps the cold air and blankets you with a warmth like no other. It is magical. For those of you who have never had the opportunity to sit beside a fire, you’re missing out. I’d put it on your to-do list right away ;).
As I sat by the fire late into the evening, I eventually found myself alone, just taking it all in. I had some music playing in the background, the family was in and out of the house as they were up to their own things, and our free range chickens had finally taken roost in their coops and in the trees, which always offers some peace and quiet. As I sat there, I had a moment of profound gratitude. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on gratitude and the role it has played in my life so far, so it came as no surprise that the feeling came over me, but this time it was different.
The difference in last night’s experience was the placement of the gratitude itself. I know that sounds weird and, to be honest, it’s a bit difficult to put into words, so bear with me.
I’ve always associated gratitude with my achievements. I don’t think this is too uncommon, but as you’ll see, I found a major flaw in how I’ve always approached this subject. As deep dives into my past have become quite the common occurrence lately, last night’s fireside session brought yet another dive, this one being focused solely on just what it is that I am truly grateful for.
As the evening progressed, I kept landing on my achievements in life as I reflected on all that has brought me to this point in my journey. Suddenly, as if I had an audience of tradesmen watching me try to use a pipe wrench as a hammer, a voice came to me as clear as day…
“YOU”RE DOING IT WRONG” it said… and it was right.
As someone who has mistakenly let their professional career define them, I felt as if I was watching a wall come crashing down. Brick by brick, I watched the fissures grow and the wall give in. Those bricks were my achievements in “life”. The milestones as I honed my craft in the welding and fabrication industry, my profound success in the management side of the industry, the promotions, the raises, all now laid before me in a pile of rubble. Did you catch the part where I said these were my “life’s” achievements? I thought so.
I’ve always held my professional achievements in high regard. I talk proudly of a career that now spans decades and I have always been the type that has never accepted any limitations whatsoever on just how far I can go in my career. There has never been a ceiling and their never will be. You can ask all who know me and they will describe a man that has an insatiable appetite for success. They will describe a man that makes it a point to break any and all boundaries as he proves any who doubt him dead wrong. Admirable? Maybe. The problem?..
It’s all meaningless.
Yes, I said it and, yes, I mean it.
Maybe meaningless is too harsh of a word for some, but I’m not going to backpedal. My “life’s” achievements hold no value because they have absolutely nothing to do with my life. Yes, I’m an accomplished tradesman with a fairly impressive resume… Congratulations, Brad, I’ll get started on your trophy. That was me talking to myself as I follow up with some questions.
Are you an accomplished husband? Father? Friend? Do you hold true to your faith and your core beliefs? Are you an accomplished person??
My answers… no. At least not anywhere near as accomplished as I’ve been in my professional career. I’ve fallen way too short, way too many times in life’s true accomplishments. You see, I can recall exact moments in my career, so much so, that I can remember even the slightest details of these moments. The weather, what I was wearing, even the songs that I listened to that day. You wanna know what happens when I think back on my life? It’s all a blur. Yes, I remember things and I celebrate those milestones as well, but their blurry. They’re so out of focus that it makes me angry. Why are they blurry, you ask? Because my focus was on my career. I’m married! Cool, now back to work. I’m a father! Cool, now back to work. I’m 20, 30, 40 years old! Cool, now back to work. I’ve never once slowed down enough to take stock of the moment that is unfolding right before me because I won’t allow my focus to shift to what really matters in life.
“Yeah? Well, that’s life, pal.” Ah, I’m glad someone chimed in, so let’s just get this part out of the way now. I know there are those that will always be there to remind us all that life isn’t fair. I don’t judge them for it and their point of view doesn’t upset me. Heck, my entire adult life has mirrored this theme. I’ve stressed the importance of a career as it provides the means to afford my family a stable life. Sound familiar? We all “sacrifice” to provide for our family but, at least in my case, that very sacrifice comes at the highest cost of all. It costs us ourselves. That stable life I mentioned? It solely rests on the shoulders of our financial well-being. Let there be even the slightest disruption in our finances, and watch me implode. Not only do I become a manic, negative nut job, but I make sure that everybody joins me. I’ll hear nothing of any talk of positivity or remedy. Noooo, there will be none of that. We’re going to freak out and let chaos be our guide. A few frantic days, weeks, or months go by, we get caught up, and all is stable again. I tell ya, this is one of those times where I get angrier as I type the words that describe my life. It’s taken me 46 years to realize this? Yes, it’s better late than never, but it sucks that it took me so long to get here.
I said earlier that there has never been a ceiling when it comes to what I can achieve in my professional life. While it holds true in my work life, it is the complete opposite in my personal life. For as long as I can remember, there has been a ridiculously low ceiling that has done an incredible job of keeping me down. To put it in perspective for you, I once held the title of President and CEO yet I have NEVER been able to imagine myself as a happy person. If that doesn’t paint the picture for you, I don’t know what will. It’s as if I’ve been in a self-built glass jar with a lid on so tight that nothing can escape it. Better yet, the glass wasn’t like the mason jars you’re accustomed to seeing rather the dark brown glass that light can barely pass through, just as you would find in an antique medicine vial from the days of old.
Brad, a happy man, who never lets his temper get the best of him and remains calm and stoic no matter how tough things get? If you work with me, you’d most likely find this description a familiar one. However, and so painfully so, if you know me personally, you’d laugh at this description of me knowing damn well that they must have me confused with someone else. This newfound realization has reduced me to the point of tears. It hurts me so much to realize that I have had my priorities completely backwards for so long. I’ve been fearless in my career, yet a coward in life.
We’ve all heard the saying about shattering the glass ceiling, and it’s typically used in the professional sense. Well, as of last night, I’ve not only shattered the ceiling, but I’ve shattered the entire jar. Nothing remains as I now have my sites set on unimaginable heights that I WILL REACH. If you thought I was relentless in my pursuit of professional achievement, then you might want to update your life insurance policy and buckle up, because we’re about to take off and roll right through anything that stands in the way.
I snapped the picture above last night as I sat by the fire. It may not seem like the prettiest picture to most, but to me, it’s the most beautiful picture of all. In the foreground sits a stone fire ring that is part of a massive stone retaining wall, that I built with my own hands. In the near distance stands the remains of three of the most beautiful oak trees I have ever seen. Sadly, they were killed by Oak Wilt but the reminders of their magnificent presence still stands for all to see. They will soon take on a new role as the support system for an epic treehouse. Just past these trees, sits our home. The main house on the right, and our son’s studio apartment on the left. Just two incredibly small and modest sheds that I converted into homes piece by piece, a little at a time. In past newsletters, I’ve spoke of the incredibly dark times that led us to live on this land. The first few years were nothing short of a nightmare as we truly lived like pioneers as we slowly rebuilt our life. I would work myself to the point of exhaustion on whatever we could afford at the moment and would end most of those days in this very spot… at the fire ring, staring at our house yet there was one clear difference.
I hated this place. I used to cuss every single part of it. I hated the tiny house as I felt that I had robbed my family of a traditional home due to my poor business decisions. I hated that I could only afford do a little at a time as I was searching for that instant gratification of a complete house. I hated our horses because of the feed costs. I hated that Oak Wilt was killing our beloved trees. I hated the fact that I was so exhausted from working endlessly on what seemed like an impossible end result. I was so miserable that I just wanted to watch it all burn.
Pretty big difference as I now consider it to be such a beautiful sight, huh? You want to know what sparked the change?
Gratitude.
Over time, I have made my peace with all of the things that I used to hate about this place. In fact, doing so has brought forth the realization that I never had anything to hate in the first place. All I ever had was something to be grateful for.
We live on ten acres in the beautiful Texas Hill Country and in my hometown. We have a house that we built ourselves and that we own outright. We still have countless Live Oak Trees throughout the property, we have horses, and are building this place into a first generation farm as we strive to deepen our connection to the soil beneath us, and the community that surrounds us.
And I hated all of this? How could I hate a place and, in turn, a life that most people can only dream of? That hatred is long gone and it has been replaced with pure gratitude.
For me, gratitude has provided the lens needed to see just what those dark years were for. As I look back, it is crystal clear that those years defined us as a family. We now stand in the light as an impenetrable family unit that was built, a little at a time, right alongside our homestead. Within those dark times were so many missed opportunities for me to revel in the positive aspects of what we were going through by simply being present in those moments, but that glass jar kept a tight seal and never allowed me to see past anything other than my failures. I am grateful that we can now look back as a family and see how far we’ve come and I will be forever grateful that my wonderful family, even at my lowest, saw the best in me and believed in me. I owe them everything for that.
The dictionary defines gratitude as follows… “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”
The word that stands out to me in this definition is “readiness”. I not only need to have gratitude in my life, but I must stand ready to show it. How do we show our gratitude for the things in our lives? Through positivity. Just as the definition says “to return kindness”, our gratitude will shine bright through our positive actions. Don’t just feel it and say that you feel it, but show it as well. Through positive actions, positive people are born. And please remember, we must be grateful for the darkness that comes our way, for without it, we’ll lack the clarity that comes with the light.
I'm so grateful that you’ve stuck with me on this one. It’s been one of the harder ones for me to write and I feel it necessary to clarify something…
Please don’t mistake my sentiment towards my professional career as one of disgust. I will always be proud of my accomplishments and I will continue to strive for more, but I won’t let them define me any longer. I will be me, not what a career expects me to be. I hope that you will do the same. I love seeing people, whether I know them or not, reach important milestones in their career. After all, there’s great satisfaction in achievement through hard work and adversity, just don’t forget that there’s a life still waiting outside for you and it needs you to stay true to who you are.
I’ll leave you with this, and I hope you’ll take the time and go deep inside yourself to find the answer…
What does gratitude mean to you and what are you grateful for?