I know what you’re probably thinking…
“Big surprise, Brad’s going to talk about light and darkness again.”
No, not necessarily; You’re safe, at least for today ;). This week, I want to talk about change.
I eluded to some big changes on the horizon earlier, and I honestly don’t know what those changes might be, but I know that they are coming. I’m not fixated on this; I continue to focus on the present as I chip away, sculpting the best imaginable version of myself possible. After all, the change that’s coming isn’t guaranteed to be positive, although it sure feels like it. However, in order to be prepared for it all, good, bad or indifferent, I must continue to strengthen my resilience. Marcus Aurelius once said:
“That’s why the philosophers warn us not to be satisfied with mere learning, but to add practice and then training.”
What Aurelius meant by this was that we can’t simply learn a new habit or skill and expect to master it right away, just as we can’t automatically become stoic after reading the words of the great Stoic philosophers. Resilience comes from consistent training and practice. This is one of the reasons that I remind myself to “visit pain daily”. Whether it’s a strenuous workout, hard labor around the farm, or even confronting and working through some past mental trauma, when we visit this pain, we are forging a resilience inside ourselves that will leave us better equipped to handle unexpected pain that is outside of our control, if and when it comes our way.
That leads us to today’s topic of “flipping the switch”. Bedros Kulian, an author and motivational figure that I’ve referenced here often, closes each one of his podcast episodes with the words “Change can happen in an instant when you decide to flip the switch”. What “switch” is he talking about? Well, that part is up to you. When we decide to flip a switch in our lives, it’s usually triggered by a moment where we say to ourselves “enough is enough” and we decide to change in that moment. These changes don’t necessarily have to be monumental. Heck, it can be a moment where you have finally had enough of the subpar laundry detergent you’ve bought for years, and you decide to spring for the good stuff moving forward. It doesn’t have to be anything life changing, but in terms of our undeniable need for resilience, it usually is.
There are two things that happen when we decide to flip the switch. One, and typically first, we are nearly overwhelmed with a sense of relief. Our proclamation that enough is enough allows us to shed some really heavy baggage that we’ve carried for far too long. All of the sudden, the road ahead looks bright and a renewed sense of hope replaces a long streak of dread that we felt as we looked into our potential future. This newfound hope is an extremely positive feeling, almost euphoric when it first hits us. It touches every cliche in the book… A fresh breath, a deep breath, a reawakening, a rebirth, a clean slate, and the list goes on and on. Our resilience takes the backstage during this moment as we are facing forward and, for the first time in a long time, we’re excited about the road ahead. However, it’s the second part that requires a firm grip on our resilience as we slowly turn around and look at the road left behind.
Change is a two-headed entity. We’re all familiar with the one that we just discussed. But what we are seldom prepared for is the one that sheds light on the past that slowly and painfully led us to the moment that we decided we’d had enough. We’ve all heard the saying when something “rears its ugly head” and this, my friends, is the ugly head.
As quickly as the celebration of our newfound change begins, our past comes racing back to us. Just who were we leading up to this moment? What did we become while we dragged our baggage through countless years of tolerance while simultaneously keeping our head buried in the sand? In my case, it wasn’t pretty.
Don’t worry, we won’t be doing any deep dives into my story today. Most of you know where I’ve been and what I’m working towards. But in terms of what I left behind, that realization was quite painful. Granted, it wasn’t like I’d led a pointless life whilst ignoring the change that was desperately needed, but I completely abandoned the very core of who I was for far too many years. I wasn’t prepared for this at all, which is why I have such a hyper-focus on resilience these days. I’m slowly rekindling the relationship I had with my true self and I’m happy to report that things, although tough at times, are going really well.
I know quite a few people that are currently going through some of their own “enough is enough” moments, and I pray that their resilience stands strong with them as they come to their own realizations of just what they traded for their comfort, security, or otherwise. Although it can be painful, there is healing within these realizations and, best of all, there’s the opportunity to reconnect with that which you kept packed away for so many years. It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself. It’s never too late to become the very best version of yourself imaginable and these moments play a tremendous role in that transformation.
I had the pleasure of some great company last night as a friend and I talked late into the night after an event in town. He’s in a similar moment of his own, and I’m grateful that he shared so much with me. We both talked, and we both listened. This morning, I awoke to the welcome reminder that none of us have to go through change alone. Yes, when it comes to our physical, spiritual, and mental resilience, we’re on our own to forge and shape this to best suit us, and only us. But that doesn’t mean that we have to figure it out on our own. We can be there for each other. Whether we’re the teacher or the student (and those roles will shift often), we will accomplish so much more when we do so as a team. If you find yourself without someone to confide in, just remember that there are more ways than one to have these conversations. Read the books, listen to the podcasts, and involve yourself with the communities that surround the subjects that resonate within you. Even something as simple as replying to this email each week is right at your fingertips, literally. Reach out. Seek counsel wherever you feel comfortable. Talk but also listen. Teach but also learn.
We are all in this together. We’re a community. Let this word not lose its meaning through overuse… “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” Don’t fight your fights alone. Build the right team to teach you how to fight, train hard, and then practice, over and over again until you can’t get it wrong.