What an exhausting summer it’s been so far. We’re neck deep in a bedroom and bathroom addition, the farm is, well, a farm and it never stops demanding attention, and my day job (shout out to Austin Iron!), no matter the season, requires a ton of my time and mental bandwidth. The same goes for my dear wife Michelle, who devotes long days tending to the animals and the gardens, all while being an incredible mom. We’d be lying if we said we didn’t deeply enjoy each of these aspects of our lives, but nevertheless, they take their toll on us just as daily life can take its toll on all of us.
We have a beach trip to Port Aransas coming up at the end of August. We try to make our way down there at least twice a year and we typically book these trips far in advance. We often find ourselves, especially in the stressful moments, looking forward to these upcoming trips. “I can’t wait” becomes a common statement around here, especially as the date gets closer and closer. Sound familiar? Of course it does; We all do it. We often find ourselves in these brief “I can’t wait” daydreams. We get that quick dopamine hit as we fantasize about whats to come, and then it’s “back to reality”. I’ve thought a lot about this lately. I’m not sure as to why, but I have repeatedly found myself examining what “I can’t wait” could be costing us.
Think about it… What typically drives us to say “I can’t wait for…” or “I can’t wait until…”? Most of the time, the negative perception of our current reality is what forces these daydreams into existence. Whether we’re grinding away at work, dealing with an unfortunate financial blow, or caught up in one of the countless stressful moments of a given day, we use this phrase as an escape. My question is… What are we trying to escape? Our job? Our family? Our lives in general?
Let’s start with work. Your day job. The ol’ 9 to 5. I’m willing to bet that the majority of you felt feelings of joy and gratitude when you were hired. The job brought a new opportunity, a secure income, and, in most cases, the potential for growth opportunities. You celebrated with friends and family, and you were so excited to start as a welcomed new member of the team. Fast forward to present day. You’ve now been at that job for quite some time and you find yourself within a much different mindset. You dread most weekday mornings, you’re irritable during your morning commute, and you find yourself digging deep some days just to muster a minimal performance. You “can’t wait” to be off work. You get through the workday, you punch the clock, and head home.
Ahhh, home. You walk in the door, and your family is lined up to greet you, clean and dressed in their Sunday best, big smiles on their face, and ready for a wonderful and relaxing evening. Right? Right. No, it’s a bit more like walking into a circus tent. Little Johnny is hanging from the ceiling fan and baby girl is crying at the top of her lungs because she can’t have syrup and cake for dinner. As much as you love them, you find yourself in a similar situation as you were at work, just mustering up enough energy to get through the evening. You “can’t wait” until they’re a little bit older. You can’t wait for those peaceful, relaxing evenings.
As if work and family weren’t enough, here comes life. Daily life… Sweet, precious life. I often find it funny as to how we treat life. We’re grateful for it, whether it be a conscious or subconscious gratitude, yet we hate it at the same time. I don’t particularly like the word hate and I use it sparingly but, in this case, it fits. If life walked this earth as one of us, it would be one confused individual. Think about all that we do from day to day, especially on the “hate” side of the spectrum. We sit in traffic, we wait in lines, we juggle finances; The list is endless. Yet throughout all of it, we’re alive. We breathe, we feel, we exist. Let’s get really deep and think for a moment about how miraculous life itself is. Our first few years in life are spent surrounded by love and with an unending sense of awe and wonder. As kids, every day is a gift. We love our families, we look forward to seeing our teachers and friends at school, we play, we draw, we imagine. We are unstoppable and capable of anything. We accept no limitations as to what our future holds. Yet, after a decade or three, here we are. Tired. Stressed. Jaded. All while being recipients of the greatest gift of all… life.
Okay, let’s take a deep breath; I apologize if I took a dark turn there. I don’t mean to paint a picture of doom and gloom, because we all know that life offers so much joy and happiness as well. Without the darkness, the light would be taken for granted. The examples above are meant to serve as reminders. Reminders that so many of the things that stress us out or make us search for an escape, are all things the we once dreamt of and wanted. When we were kids, we “couldn’t wait” to grow up. We “couldn’t wait” to get our driver’s license. We “couldn’t wait” to get married and have kids of our own. The very things that we wanted, and proudly achieved, now weigh us down. Again, there are numerous moments of joy and gratitude that are peppered throughout these lives that we each have built. I also know that most of us, no matter how tough things can sometimes get, maintain a positive attitude as best we can. Ironically, that positive attitude is often fueled by the “I can’t wait” moments.
Recently, as I am just as guilty of this way of thinking, I have been making a conscious effort to be present in as many moments as possible and truly analyze what it is that pushes me to those “I can’t wait” moments. This new approach has provided clarity beyond my expectations and has brought forth the realization that “ I can wait”.
I can wait to be at the beach in August. I can wait to be done with the current projects around the farm. I can wait for what the future holds because, by doing so, I now get to enjoy the present. I now get to enjoy these moments that I have missed out on for countless years. When I think back to some of the hardest times of my life, the times that were full of “I can’t wait”, I discover wonderful memories within those times. I am reminded of so many things that contributed to building my character, that I took for granted because I just wanted out. I “couldn’t wait” so, in turn, I missed out.
Just yesterday, I was working on the bedroom and bathroom addition to our house. It was time to hang the drywall, and I needed help. My father-in-law was gracious enough to volunteer his time as he has many decades of building experience. We worked throughout the entire day. It was hot, well over 100 degrees. The work was physically demanding, and I was also having to dip in and out to handle multiple issues tied to my day job. The “big picture” view of the day was fast paced and stressful yet, in many moments, I found myself analyzing how I truly felt. As the sweat from every pore soaked me, and as fatigue kept creeping up, I was overwhelmed with the reminder that I love working with my hands and especially love construction in general. Best of all, I was also present in the fact that I was getting to spend time with my father-in-law, someone I greatly admire and enjoy being around. Throughout the day, the good outshined the bad and, instead of dwelling on the pain and stress, I reveled in the joy and appreciation for it all. What I typically see as a chore, I saw as an opportunity. An opportunity to exercise, an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to love and admire, the opportunity to live another day.
Let’s not miss out on these opportunities anymore. Let’s make a conscious effort to appreciate these moments, no matter how far-fetched it seems. Sure, things at work might be stressful, but let’s remind ourselves why we do what we do for a living and how much joy it once brought us. Fall in love with it again. On those crazy nights at home when it seems more like a circus than a family, let’s take a moment to be present in the chaos and remind ourselves that we’ll miss this one day. Let’s be present in our own existence and be grateful that we get to live such boundless lives in such an amazing world.
All of this being said, I’m not suggesting that you stop looking forward to the future. After all, our future plans, our goals, our milestones, they all provide the direction we need and there should always be hope and excitement within our visions of what lies ahead. These visions drive us and help shape who we are today so that we arrive prepared for the future that awaits us. So yes, keep looking forward, just don’t let it rob you of “right now”.
As for me? My future looks bright, but I can wait. :)
Brad Martin is a freelance writer with over 20 years of experience in managing people through inspiration. If he can get behind your product or message, an army will soon follow, on board and loyal to the mission.
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