This week has presented me with many obstacles that have an incredibly common theme. While most perceive obstacles to be a nuisance, I have recently learned to welcome obstacles into my life, thanks to the book “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday. Throughout the book, Holiday leans heavily on the writings of the great Stoic philosophers such as Aurelius and Seneca and finds commonality in their perception and interpretation of obstacles that inevitably make their way into our lives.
I’ve quickly learned that an obstacle, although it can present a problem, or problems, contains the solution to the very problem it presents. Through the adaptation to the obstacle and the new paths we forge in order to navigate around, or sometimes through the obstacle, we find the solution. Therefore, as the title suggests, the obstacle then becomes the way.
The obstacles that have seemed to pile in front of me this week, one after another, have had vast differences in regard to the problems they present, but the common theme lies in the solution to these problems.
The solution? Time.
Yes, as frustrating as it can sometimes be, time is often the solution to our problems. When I say solution, I don’t mean to imply that time is the actual and final solution, rather that time will offer the solution at some point down the road, which requires patience and trust.
This can prove challenging for most of us, especially as we find ourselves living in a time where instant gratification is so prevalent. Whether we like it or not, we have built a world where our every want and desire is at our fingertips and our appreciation for delayed gratification has all but disappeared.
However (and thankfully), there’s one aspect of our lives that will always be there to remind us of the importance of delayed gratification, and that is time.
Take a look at the picture above. These are some cedar planks from an old privacy fence that I recently repurposed into siding for one of our hen houses. They came from a fence that was probably 15 years old or so. The picture doesn’t do them justice, but the beautiful colors, the wear caused by years of rain, sun, the hot summers, and the cold winters, were all made possible by one thing and one thing only… time.
Now, I’ve seen countless attempts by others to recreate the picture that only time can paint. I’ve seen people try to burn the surface and sand through the charred layers. I’ve seen people beat the planks with various tools and other implements in an attempt to recreate the “worn” look. I’ve even seen the endless array of stains and sealers that offer the promise of the “antiqued” look, yet they all fall short. I’m sure this list could be miles long, but Michelangelo and Picasso combined couldn’t create the works of art that time can.
We tend to make similar attempts to create instant solutions to our problems, even as we know fully well that it will take time and nothing else. Have you ever seen anyone pick up a guitar for the first time and play the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard? No, it takes time to learn. Have you ever known anyone who’s battling with addiction to just wake up one day, in great health and free of their demons? No, it takes time to overcome addiction. That first day at the gym? You walk in 20 pounds overweight and walk out chiseled and at your target weight, right? Of course not. It takes time to reach our goals.
Let’s say you’re in a relationship. It’s been a tumultuous one from the start, and it’s grown to create the most toxic, destructive environment for both of you. Reluctantly, your partner finally gives in. They can’t do it anymore. They love you, but they just can’t stand the thought of another second of you, or themselves, in agonizing and unrelenting pain. They try and break it off, assuring you that this is the absolute best thing for both of you, but you’re not ready to lose them. You know in your heart that they’re right, but the overwhelming fear of being alone consumes you and forces you into desperate attempts to give it one last try. This continues for a month or so, and you both find yourselves nearing the bottom of a downward spiral. You’re committed to be at the bottom, as long as it means you stay together, but your partner, left with no other choice, vanishes right before your eyes. As painful as it is, they cut the cord and begin their healing journey.
You sit there at the bottom, crying, angry, confused… hopeless. You even question your ability to go on. You’d rather be with someone who isn’t right for you simply because you can’t see even five minutes into the future. Finally, your mind, body and spirit have had all that they can take. They concede out of no other option other than to turn over the hourglass, and let time take over.
It takes time to heal. It takes time to grow. It takes time to trust and to love again. It takes time to find the answers.
Time can be a bit cruel in some ways, too. In order to become the versions of ourselves that we desire to be, we must allow time to play its role in the construction but, in what can seem like such a cruel twist, we only have so much time to work with. To add salt to that wound, none of us know just how much time we have. I used to view this fact of life in such a negative light. As someone who loves life so much, I always felt like time was a thief, especially when it came calling for someone that still had so much life left to live.
I’ve since learned that time is not a thief at all. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Time is a gift.
Sure, we only have so much time and no one will ever know how much they have left, but that, my friends, is the gift. The gift of time allows us to live, to experience life, an equally precious gift. It allows us to grow, to heal, to love. It offers knowledge and wisdom and endless opportunities to do and be whatever we want to be. Time is freedom.
For some of us, time can also allow us to sit and wallow in self pity. It can allow us to harbor hatred and resentment for someone from our past. It can give us the freedom to stay in our corner, never take a chance, and to wonder what could have been.
Time offers us a choice. We can choose to spend our time just existing as life passes us by, or we can choose to spend our time learning, growing, and loving. We can seek adventure, accomplish goals, try new things, even fail at new things. There is an abundant and practically limitless world out there. You were put here, by the divine, with the most precious gifts of life and time, right in your hands. Cherish those gifts. Use them wisely. Time is not a gift that sits on a shelf and collects dust. Carry it with you, not only as a reminder of all that it has to offer, but also as a reminder of it’s finality.
I say these things not to make anyone feel bad about themselves. Some of us are perfectly content with a predictable and stable way of life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After all, it’s our choice and ours alone. But, for those of you that are not content with the life you are living, don’t ignore the call inside you. That call, to do more, to be better, to be the you that you’ve always wanted to be… don’t let that call fall on deaf ears. Take action, and take action now. Whether it be baby steps or one giant leap, answer the call.
Last, for those of you that are struggling with an obstacle where time is the only solution… let it be. Let time take over. Hour by hour, day by day, time will offer the answers that will forge the path to healing and recovery. Life will go on, and you will one day look back upon this obstacle, one that seemed completely insurmountable, and it will merely be a spec within the vast mosaic of your memories. The distance that only time provided will offer the realization of just how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown.
So whether time holds the healing that you seek or offers the motivation to put your dreams into action, remember that time itself will not hand you the answers you seek on a silver platter. Yes, time holds the answers, but it’s up to you to find them. Let the finality of time be your guide as it keeps the sense of urgency at the forefront of your mind.
Okay, enough of this. We all have lives to live, am I right? Let’s get out there and embrace what precious time we have left. How will you spend yours?