Call me a broken record, but what a week it has been, am I right? I don’t know if it’s just me, but this year has been turbulent, to say the least. Of course, that doesn’t mean it has all been bad, but it has definitely had its share of white knuckle moments, much more so than those of clear skies.
On Friday evening, I was visited by a very dear friend of mine, which indeed offered a stretch of clear sky. Those of you who know me know that my circle of friends is incredibly small and contains only those who value the true meaning of friendship just as much as I do. This friend and I are rarely able to see each other but our bond remains unbreakable and it’s like we’ve never missed a beat each time we get together.
The evening was filled with many laughs, great food (thanks to my rockstar of a wife), and deep conversations that enriched my soul. One of these conversations was about honesty. Both he and I hold honesty as the highest virtue in life and the conversation has stuck with me ever since.
We spoke about honesty and the power that it holds. We also spoke of the increasing rarity of honesty in most daily encounters. From matters that hit close to home such as financial advice or even the advice of a friend, all the way to the powers that govern us, “honesty” is increasingly being hollowed from the core. This has become such the norm that the underlying agendas that drive what most consider to be honest statements have made their way into our daily encounters with our friends and colleagues. In some cases, the intentions are good. In others, the ill intentions are visible from the first word. The problem that I see is that the line between the two have become blurrier than ever.
This is apparent to us all. None of us here are sitting back and thinking about what an honest world we live in today. Instead, we watch all levels and all sides of government continue to push boundaries, we lack trust in our food supply, advertising these days can rarely back up their words with a product that performs as promised, and our friends, yes, our friends are even sugarcoating the truth. Does that last one shock you? If you’re having trouble believing this, spark up a deep conversation the next time you’re with your friends. By deep, I’m not talking about the latest episode of whatever garbage reality show that’s on TV; I’m talking about the core virtues and how they guide you through life. Tie it to politics, that’ll get everyone going ;). Pay close attention to their words and compare them to their actions. Better yet, pay close attention to your words and compare them to your actions.
Okay, there it is… This is the point where we all get defensive. “My actions? How dare you question my words as anything other than the truth?” It’s okay, take a deep breath and hear me out.
I think we’ve all begun to take liberties with our words as they compare to our actions. After all, it seems to be the way of the world these days, no? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? I have been stuck on this subject all weekend and I have done my own personal exploration of what I say versus what I do.
I hold a high leadership position at my day job. I have many people that trust my words as the actions that follow always align with what I say. If I can’t assure them of something, I say so. If I have to tell them what they don’t want to hear and have those difficult conversations, so be it. At the end of the day, the honesty holds the lesson and the value of it will buy you an army of loyal men and women that are ready to follow you into battle with zero hesitation. BUT, let just one of your actions expose the inclination that you weren’t being honest with them and you’ll soon find yourself fighting those battles alone.
I use my work as an example. The fact of the matter is, we all hold leadership positions. Our spouses, our children, our friends and our communities, they all hold on to our every word and our actions must align with that of which we speak. You wouldn’t mislead them or betray them with lie after lie so why would you do so in any other daily encounter? No matter if it’s a distant acquaintance or your closest friend, honesty should be at the forefront of every intention.
Sadly, there are those whose words drastically differ from their actions. While at the Global Leadership Summit earlier this month, Author Erin Meyer spoke a bit about this. She pointed to the majority of corporate offices having the words “Honesty” or “Integrity” pasted all over their walls and in their mission statements. For those of us who remember Enron or, more recently, Bernie Madoff, both of these enterprises used these words just as countless others do today. Needless to say, honesty and integrity were nowhere near the core of their actions and intentions. She then joked that corporations don’t have mission statements that say, “Here at So and So, Inc., we’re all about corruption.” Instead of honesty and integrity, no one has the words “deception” or “corruption” pasted on their walls. We all laughed but there was a stinging reminder in the joke.
Our words can’t only hold face value. We can’t say one thing and do the opposite. This goes so much deeper than our interactions with others. Our words and our actions must align when it comes to how we treat ourselves as well. The picture we paint of ourselves for the world to see must be an exact copy of the picture that hangs in the room that no one other than ourselves will ever see.
Who we are when nobody’s looking is who we are at our core. In addition to not being honest with each other, what I see as an even bigger problem is that we aren’t being honest with ourselves. Our actions can so often be grossly misaligned with our intentions. We tell ourselves that tomorrow will be different, yet we rinse and repeat the destructive actions of yesterday. I’m no different and I’m surely not immune to this yet I have been taking forceful and repetitive action to correct even the slightest shortcomings that could ever direct my intentions from those of my words.
Our word is our bond and I, for one, cherish the bonds that I share with my family and my circle of friends. Honesty will ensure those bonds are unbreakable and impenetrable by any swaying force.
Last, if there are any of you out there that fear what an honest opinion might bring in terms of retaliation, I’ll set you at ease…
There is an insatiable appetite for honesty today. I’d argue that the hunger for honesty is stronger than at any other point in history. I’ve found undeniable proof of this lately as my honest opinions and my actions that back those opinions up are always met with a sense of relief from those I am debating with. I’m not saying that spirited and sometimes heated exchanges don’t occur, but the honesty within them has quickly quenched the fire and not allowed it to rage out of control. Remember, we’re different, each and every one of us. So much of the beauty in this world is because of this fact. Our honest encounters are the threads that have been sewn into the most beautiful fabric that has stretched to the farthest corners of the earth. Our inability to shoot straight with each other is unraveling those threads and exposing an ugly and inhospitable world. Let us not lose the beauty by continuing to lead each other astray. Let’s get out there and be who we are whether anyone is looking or not. Talk the talk and, most importantly, walk the walk.